What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Someone came in the potted fern
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
