He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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