10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
