she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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