you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
