after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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