After last night, I could never be a politician.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
