so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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