Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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