Jerry, you need to find god
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
