He kissed a someone with a penis
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
