I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
