DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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