so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
