Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
