I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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