Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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