he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
