I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
