Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
