i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
