FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
