one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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