Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
