Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize