She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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