Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
