but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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