My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
