i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
