Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize