halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
