Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
