My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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