I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
