Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
