where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
