elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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