PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My pussy is not your playground.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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