How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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