I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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