there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
