allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
