there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
