I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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