I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
