You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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