I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
