definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
