so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
