He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
pray to the hookup gods
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
