They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
