Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
