I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
