If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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