The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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