i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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