I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
