Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
