I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
