Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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