totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
