my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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