I heard we made out
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
