Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
