angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
