That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
