last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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Remember the time you cried about coconuts
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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