On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
