saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
