apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
