1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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