Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
